we had to write a short story for (more than 750 words) Eng 9 and I wondered if you had any suggestions to help my story
here goes:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nick ******
10-31-06
It was just like any regular Christmas. Snow was falling from the gray sky. Santa
Claus was right on schedule for delivering presents to all the world's children. He was putting presents under a child's tree when the aliens came.
Mauryl, captain of the alien warship, had been sent on a secret mission for the Galactic Empire to find and annihilate the leader of Earth. The earthling's were growing quite intelligent in their use of technology and the Empire feared they might discover their existence if their space exploration continued.
"Set the ship down there," he said, pointing to and earthling's backyard, "we'll interrogate these humans to find out what they know."
At the same time, a child was climbing up a latter to the top of the house to see what those noises were that he heard. When he got to the top, his jaw dropped at what he saw. The reindeer stomped and huffed in the cold air. He snow gently covered the bright red finish of the sleigh. Buttons and switches flashed on the dashboard. He ran to the sleigh, wide-eyed to see what was inside.
Mauryl walked down the ramp to the back door of the house. A dozen soldiers armed with laser rifles marched behind him. He reached the door and kicked it down. Gun pointed ahead of him, he walked into the room and yelled "Surrender earthling's, we have you outnumbered!"
Santa looked up from the tree, quickly grabbed a handful of powder out of his pocket, and threw it on the ground. The whole house was suddenly engulfed in an unnatural darkness.
Mauryl instinctively reached for his communicator. "Beam us back to the ship, private," he ordered. He could see through the darkness bright blue cylinders behind him surrounding his soldiers, who were also being beamed back into the ship.
"He must be the leader, for he possesses some kind of magic the rest of the earthlings don't," Mauryl said, "And he's escaping!" he added in rage.
Santa, who could see through the magical darkness, ran to the chimney and flew up it.
The child, who was digging in Santa's bag, hears the noise from the house. He ducked down in the back of the sleigh in fear. Santa flew out of the top of the chimney and landed on the roof. "I didn't even get to finish my cookies," he grumbled. He jumped in the sleigh and yelled to the reindeer: "Go, go, go!" The sleigh took off and he started flying away over the countryside. He heard rustling in the sleigh behind him. He turned around and the sacred face of a little boy stared back at him. "What are you doing in here?" asked Santa.
Mauryl was pacing back and forth across the ships command center, wondering what he was going to do now. Then a lieutenant said "Captain Mauryl, come look what's on the radar."
He walked over and looked at the radar screen. He saw a sleigh pulled by a team of strange horse-like animals flying across the screen. "Follow that sleigh," he started issuing orders. "Start up the engines, load the plasma cannons, get gunners in turrets."
The ship roared to life. The engines glowed bright blue and scorched the leafless trees behind the ship. It slowly ascended off the ground and started following the sleigh.
"I was...just...just looking in-," a laser blast interrupted the kid's attempt at an explanation to Santa. Santa checked his rear-view mirror. He saw a huge plutonium-grey alien ship behind him, plasma cannon turrets protruding from the ship in every direction.
"Get up in the front seat and buckle your seatbelt." Santa turned around and flipped a switch on the dashboard. The sleigh started humming and then put on a burst of speed.
"Captain, they've activated the hyper drive," the lieutenant at the radar reported.
"Very well," Captain Mauryl replied, "prepare for hyper speed, fasten seatbelts, and get in braced positions." The ship's engines sputtered and died. The ship started falling out of the sky. "Curse these cheap Imperial ships," Mauryl swore. He smashed his fist on his chair's control panel. The engines overturned and roared back to life.
"Now entering hyper speed," came the announcement over the ships intercom.
The kid strained to turn around in the strong winds. He saw the large ship closing in on them. "That things is catching us!" he told Santa. He had to yell to be heard over the winds.
Then a laser blast stuck the back of the sleigh. The entire sleigh rattled and started smoking in the back. It slowed down to normal speed, and then stopped completely.
"Blast, they've hit the engines"
"I thought you sleigh was pulled by the magical flying reindeer," the kid inquired to Santa.
"These reindeer have about as much flying ability as a pack of wounded hippos. The sleigh has always been powered by an engine," Santa said. "And we're going to crash." Then a brilliant idea entered Santa's head as the sleigh was plummeting toward the ground. "Hey kid, pretend like you wanted a rocket propelled grenade launcher for Christmas more than anything else in the world, and reach into my bag."
The kid reached into the back, and when he withdrew his hand, he was holding a rocket propelled grenade launcher.
"Hand that to me, and hurry!" Santa turned and aimed at the imposing ship. Then he opened fire.
An explosion rocked the entire warship. "What was that blast from?" Mauryl yelled.
"It's the earthlings in the sleigh, they're firing at us! But don't worry sir; the shields are still at full power."
Mauryl cautiously walked over to the shield monitor, being careful not to fall down from the explosions rocking the ship. Explosion after explosion hit the shields, and they still held strong. Suddenly, one explosion hit especially hard and the lights in the command center blinked. Mauryl watched as the shield power slowly disappeared. "They hit the generators, we don't have enough energy to run the shields," Mauryl said.
Another explosion hit. Mauryl saw on the screen one of the secondary engines fall off. "If only the Empire could spare a little more money on their ships," he said to himself, then loudly, "turn the ship around, reactivate hyper speed, set a course for the home planet." He ran to get buckled in his seat.
Santa and the kid watched as the ship turned around and fled.
"Now to deal with the problem of falling out of the sky," Santa said. He reached for the dashboard and flipped a switch. The sleigh was surrounded by a shimmering impact shield.
Once they hit the ground, they bounced gently for a little bit and came to a stop. The impact shield disinigrated. The sleigh and its inhabitants emerged unharmed.
"Now what am I to do?" Santa wondered. "I can't fix the engine, it's completely burned. And I have presents to deliver to at least a billion more children!"
"Look Santa!" The kid pointed to something steaming wedged into the ground.
"It's the engine off that warship, and its not that big of one, I can probably mount it in my ship." Santa walked over to the engine and picked it up. He carried it over to his sleigh. He bent down and pressed the engine against the bottom of the sleigh. The engine started glowing, and it magically fused with the sleigh.
"That ought to do it," Santa said. "Now lets get you home so I can finish delivering presents." He pressed a button, the engine roared to life, and they took off into the horizon.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
copying and pasting it into here kinda messed up the tabs and spacing

I also need a title

I took time to run a basic edit on your entire story.
Anything in red Is anything I felt could be changed.
The Green text is either a suggestion or an explaination of what was wrong.

It was just like any regular Christmas. Snow was falling from the gray sky. Santa
Claus was right on schedule for delivering presents to all the world's children. He was putting presents under a child's tree when the aliens came.
Mauryl, captain of the alien warship, had been sent on a secret mission for the Galactic Empire to find and annihilate the leader of Earth.
The earthling's were growing quite intelligent in their use of technology and the Empire feared they might discover their existence if their space exploration continued. (((This sentence is confusing, because your using the word "Their" too represent both the humans and the empire in the same sentence-The last "Their" Could be reffering to either the humans or the empire, its not clear ))) "Set the ship down there," he said, pointing to and (((This should either be "the" or "an" earthling's backyard, "we'll interrogate these humans to find out what they know."
At the same time, a child was climbing up a [#color=ff0000] latter [/color] [#color=00ff00] (((spelling))) [/color] to the top of the house to see what those noises were that he heard. (((Ackword wording, would be better if it was something like "noises that he heard were" When he got to the top, his jaw dropped at what he saw. The reindeer stomped and huffed in the cold air. He "The" snow gently covered the bright red finish of the sleigh. Buttons and switches flashed on the dashboard. He ran to the sleigh, wide-eyed to see what was inside.
Mauryl walked down the ramp to the back door of the house. A dozen soldiers armed with laser rifles marched behind him. He reached the door and kicked it down. Gun pointed ahead of him, he walked into the room and yelled "Surrender earthling's, we have you outnumbered!"
Santa looked up from the tree, quickly grabbed a handful of powder out of his pocket, and threw it on the ground. The whole house was suddenly engulfed in an unnatural darkness.
Mauryl instinctively reached for his communicator. "Beam us back to the ship, private," he ordered. He could see through the darkness bright blue cylinders behind him surrounding his soldiers, who were also being beamed back into the ship. Ackword wording, try something like "see bright blue cylinders through the darkness engulfing his soldiers as they were being beamed back into the ship"
"He must be the leader, for he possesses some kind of magic the rest of the earthlings don't," Mauryl said, "And he's escaping!" he added in rage.
Santa, who could see through the magical darkness, ran to the chimney and flew up it.
The child, who was digging in Santa's bag, hears the noise from the house. He ducked down in the back of the sleigh in fear. Santa flew out of the top of the chimney and landed on the roof. "I didn't even get to finish my cookies," he grumbled. He jumped in the sleigh and yelled to the reindeer: "Go, go, go!" The sleigh took off and he started flying away over the countryside. He heard rustling in the sleigh behind him. He turned around and the sacred face of a little boy stared back at him. Flows better like this "to see the sacred face of a little boy staring back at him." "What are you doing in here?" asked Santa.
Mauryl was pacing back and forth across the ships command center, wondering what he was going to do now. Then a lieutenant said "Captain Mauryl, come look what's on the radar."
He walked over and looked at the radar screen. He saw a sleigh pulled by a team of strange horse-like animals flying across the screen. "Follow that sleigh," he started issuing orders. "Start up the engines, load the plasma cannons, get gunners in turrets."
The ship roared to life. The engines glowed bright blue and scorched the leafless trees behind the ship. It slowly ascended off the ground and started following the sleigh.
"I was...just...just looking in-," a laser blast interrupted the kid's attempt at an explanation to Santa. Santa checked his rear-view mirror. He saw a huge plutonium-grey alien ship behind him, plasma cannon turrets protruding from the ship in every direction.
"Get up in the front seat and buckle your seatbelt." Santa turned around and flipped a switch on the dashboard. The sleigh started humming and then put on a burst of speed.
"Captain, they've activated the hyper drive," the lieutenant at the radar reported.
"Very well," Captain Mauryl replied, "prepare for hyper speed, fasten seatbelts, and get in braced positions." The ship's engines sputtered and died. The ship started falling out of the sky. "Curse these cheap Imperial ships," Mauryl swore. He smashed his fist on his chair's control panel. The engines overturned and roared back to life.
"Now entering hyper speed," came the announcement over the ships intercom.
The kid strained to turn around in the strong winds. He saw the large ship closing in on them. "That things is catching us!" he told Santa. He had to yell to be heard over the winds. This would sound better if it was done in one sentence-"He screamed to santa in order to be heard over the wind"-An example..its not a great example but i don't have much time to write this in completion)
Then a laser blast stuck the back of the sleigh. The entire sleigh rattled and started smoking in the back. It slowed down to normal speed, and then stopped completely.
"Blast, they've hit the engines"
"I thought you sleigh was pulled by the magical flying reindeer," the kid inquired to Santa.
"These reindeer have about as much flying ability as a pack of wounded hippos. The sleigh has always been powered by an engine," Santa said. "And we're going to crash." Then a brilliant idea entered Santa's head as the sleigh was plummeting toward the ground. "Hey kid, pretend like you wanted a rocket propelled grenade launcher for Christmas more than anything else in the world, and reach into my bag."
The kid reached into the back, and when he withdrew his hand, he was holding a rocket propelled grenade launcher.
"Hand that to me, and hurry!" Santa turned and aimed at the imposing ship. Then he opened fire.
An explosion rocked the entire warship. "What was that blast from?" Mauryl yelled.
"It's the earthlings in the sleigh, they're firing at us! But don't worry sir; the shields are still at full power."
Mauryl cautiously walked over to the shield monitor, being careful not to fall down from the explosions rocking the ship. Explosion after explosion hit the shields, and they still held strong. Suddenly, one explosion hit especially hard and the lights in the command center blinked. Mauryl watched as the shield power slowly disappeared. "They hit the generators, we don't have enough energy to run the shields," Mauryl said.
Another explosion hit. Mauryl saw on the screen one of the secondary engines fall off. "If only the Empire could spare a little more money on their ships," he said to himself, then loudly, "turn the ship around, reactivate hyper speed, set a course for the home planet." He ran to get buckled in his seat.
Santa and the kid watched as the ship turned around and fled.
"Now to deal with the problem of falling out of the sky," Santa said. He reached for the dashboard and flipped a switch. The sleigh was surrounded by a shimmering impact shield.
Once they hit the ground, they bounced gently for a little bit and came to a stop. The impact shield disinigrated. The sleigh and its inhabitants emerged unharmed.
"Now what am I to do?" Santa wondered. "I can't fix the engine, it's completely burned. And I have presents to deliver to at least a billion more children!"
"Look Santa!" The kid pointed to something steaming wedged into the ground.
"It's the engine off that warship, and its not that big of one, I can probably mount it in my ship." Santa walked over to the engine and picked it up. He carried it over to his sleigh. He bent down and pressed the engine against the bottom of the sleigh. The engine started glowing, and it magically fused with the sleigh.
"That ought to do it," Santa said. "Now lets get you home so I can finish delivering presents." He pressed a button, the engine roared to life, and they took off into the horizon.


-Okay, I didn't have much time to completly edit this, but I picked out most of the major things i saw. I would read through it a few times since i didn't correct every grammer error and typo, but they were mostly minor anyhow. Its a very unique story, intresting too-if you need more words an easy idea would be too put in a few paragraphs having the kid explaining his story to his friends in school..or to his parents/teacher.

wow thanks spartan

this is just a rough draft *which i waited untill the last minute to write*

some of these were typing mistakes, like "pointing to and earthling's backyard"

Aye no problem, i was actually in my programing class when I did that, else i would have been abit more exacting. I think you get the idea though, and since i'd rather let people use their own creativity then me point out every little thing i'll leave it as it is.

Sides its not bad at all, very intresting plot and such.. one thing that i could propose is to actually add abit of a 'setup'. As in, a few paragraphs of an intro rather then jumping right into the action...its actually abit -too- fast paced. (Which is a mistake that I can still make in my writtings, when im rushing to get a term paper in on time.)

lol i have it typed now, and the final's not due for a week, so I don't have to rush to fix it